Play Nice

As I walked our dog around the neighborhood this morning, I saw a license plate holder on a car which read, “My rat terrier is smarter than your honor student.” I’m guessing that the owner of that car is a bit tired of (jealous of?) bumper stickers that boast that the driver has a smart kid in some local school. But come on, isn’t this just a little mean-spirited?

I don’t know why or when it became okay to be mean. I admit that I grew up in the 50’s and I was frequently admonished “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.” I’m not sure that is the best advice to give a child, but there is something compelling about just being nice to people.

No one needs to work at this more than I do. My ability to be nice plummets when I am tired or hungry or in a grocery line. But when I try, I find that not only do my social interactions go much more smoothly, but it actually changes me. Something inside that may have felt hard or cold or tight becomes softer, warmer, looser. The opposite is also true. When my crabbier nature wins out, I can feel myself becoming smaller, cramped and well, crabbier still.

[I noticed on some of the reviews following the presidential debate last night - independent voters who were ranking their positive and negative reactions to the candidates as they spoke nearly always turned their dials down (meaning they were responding negatively) whenever a candidate blasted the other. We don’t need more meanness.]

The Dalai Lama is credited with the phrase, My religion is kindness. That resonates with me. In fact, I wear a bracelet with those words engraved on it, to remind myself of what is important. I was challenged once by a friend who said that kindness isn’t enough. Just being kind isn’t going to change public policy or make a material difference in anyone’s life. Perhaps. But it is a starting place. And just like all politics is local, and micro-loans can change the world, I do believe that our acts of kindness toward one another have ramifications that we cannot imagine.